Mis(t)ery
by albinotanuki
Summary: Stanford Pines was hoping to relax in Gravity Falls and catch up with family, but when an obsessed fan stalks him, everything turns upside down.
1. Chapter 1

Its hard to believe that after 30s years traveling through dimensions, I get to reunite with my brother and travel the world together. We've been everywhere from Argentina to Japan. We've even went to Mount Everest where Stan and I were almost married off to a living goddess who turned out to be a yeti (it didn't work out).

After traveling the world, we decided to come back to Gravity Falls to see how Soos was doing with the Mystery Shack and see Dipper and Mabel, who were visiting. I was driving down the road while Stanley was watching "Ducktective" on his phone.

"Ducktective, you can't fight Louis Quail on your own; you're still recovering from cataract surgery!" shouted the constable.

"I don't need your pity; I can handle him!" said Ducktective.

"I just don't get why you like that show." I said to my brother.

"I just don't get why you DON'T like that show." said Stan.

"Well to be honest it can get a little too dark at times and I'm annoyed that the closest thing we get to a redemption arc for the platypus is him getting tricked into consuming a love potion."

We finally reached our destination and pulled up. Dipper and Mabel came running up to us.

"Grunkle Stan! Great Uncle Ford!"

Stan and I hugged our niece and nephew.

"Its good to see you kids again." said Stan.

"Come on, we've got a lot to tell you." said Mabel.

The kids kept talking and talking about everything that's happened to them since leaving Gravity Falls that it was hard to catch up until we went inside the gift shop. That was when SHE appeared.

"OH MY GOD, IT'S THE AUTHOR!"

A young woman, probably in her twenties, wearing thick glasses and what looked like a winter outfit in the middle of summer, came up to me.

"I can't believe I get to meet you here in the Mystery Shack of all places."

She then grabbed my hands and started looking at them.

"You really DO have six fingers. Tell me, how do you flip people off? That must be tricky to get across. Have you really seen a unicorn? What's dimension 52 like?"

To say I was confused was an understatement. What was this creature talking about and how did she know so much about me. Did I gain a fan somehow?

"Well, its a pleasure to met you... umm..."

"Katie." said the girl.

"Well Katie, I'd love to thank you and give you my autograph, but unfortunately I don't have a paper or pen with me."

"Oh, I have some in my car. I'll be right back."

Katie then ran out the door.

"What's going on?" I asked.

I then noticed Soos looking quite uncomfortable.

"Mr. Pines, I... might've created an online blog on the journals."

"YOU DID WHAT?!" we all said in unison.

"I'M SORRY, I WASN'T THINKING OF THE IMPLICATIONS!"

"No matter." I sighed, "We'll just get the memory gun and-Oh thats right, we destroyed it."

Katie then came back with some paper and one of those Gel pens I've been hearing so much about from Mabel.

"Here you are." said Katie.

I took the pen and paper and wrote my signature, along with a note saying "Don't tell anyone I'm here.".

"Oh thank you! Thank you!"

Katie then ran out the door squeeing. I was hoping that would be the last we see of her.


	2. Chapter 2

Stanley and I decided we would go fishing at Lake Gravity Falls the next day. We filled out tackle boxes with the usual necessities along with some special flies my brother tied made from soda tabs and his own hair. As we were about to head out the door, a familiar face blocked the exit.

"Hi Stanford!" said Katie, "I've been going around town deciphering codes and trying to solve mysteries all day yesterday. You know, I think the teenagers in Gravity Falls are actually zombies, especially that Valentino kid; he matches the description and everything."

"Do you want me to take care of her?" asked Stan as he was forming a fist.

"No Stanley, let me handle this." I said, before turning to Katie, "You didn't tell anyone that I'm here, did you?"

"Don't worry; it's our little secret." she said as she pulled out a bag from her jacket, "I brought you some jelly beans. I know how much you like them."

"Oh, how thoughtful of you." I said as I received the bag, "Well, my brother and I are going off to fish right now."

"Okay." said Katie.

"Yes, so it's nice seeing you again, Katie."

Stan and I quickly snuck out to the car and drove off. We were hoping to spend some quiet quality time together, but when we got on the lake, we saw Katie on a boat heading towards us.

"Hi guys!" said Katie, "I'm gonna go fishing with you!"

"Are you SURE you don't want me to take care of her?" asked Stan.

"No, Stan!" I said before turning to Katie, "Katie, look, you can fish with us, but Stan and I would like some quality time together, so just be quiet."

"Okay." said Katie.

Things remained quiet for 2 seconds before Katie opened her mouth.

"Do you think we'll see the Gobblewonker?"

Stan had almost caught a fish at that time, but the fish got away.

"OH COME ON!" he screamed.

As Stan stood up, the boat gave and we both ended up in the water. I tried to swim up but something was pulling me under. Slowly, I blacked out.


	3. Chapter 3

I slowly opened my eyes, finding myself in a small cabin room on a bed and covered in a large body cast. Then I noticed Katie was there, staring at me.

"Oh Stanford, you're awake."

"Where am I? Where's Stanley?" I asked.

"Don't worry. He's fine. He told me I could take care of you while you were recovering."

"That doesn't sound like anything my brother would say."

I then noticed the amount of fanart on the wall, mostly of me making out with my old colleague, Fiddleford McGucket.

"You do realize Fiddleford and I are just friends, right?" I asked, "Plus, I'm asexual, so any potential relationships are off the table for me."

"Shhh." said Katie as she put a finger on my lips, "Just relax and have some of my jellybean pie I made for you."

"Actually, I think I'd prefer something a little more hardy, like soup or something."

Katie then stuffed some pie into my mouth, which tasted sickly sweet and gum-like.

"Yummy, huh?" said Katie, "Say, tell me what you think of this fanart I drew of Bill Cipher."

Katie brought out a laptop with what looked like a digital drawing of a sexy blonde human with an eyepatch.

"Why did you make him a sexy human? Bill is a demonic triangle that takes pleasure in torture. Why would you find that even remotely sexy?"

"You mean you don't like my fanart?"

Katie then started to cry. I couldn't help but feel bad.

"No, you're a really good artist. In fact, you almost remind me of my great niece, Ma-"

Katie put her hands up to the wall and glared at me with the most angry glare I'd ever seen.

"Don't you EVER compare me to Mabel Pines! I'm not some little girl who brought upon Weirdmageddon because of my own selfishness. GOT IT?"

I was quite shocked to see her suddenly burst out like that. To be honest, I was the one to blame for Weirdmaeddon considering I was the one who trusted Bill Cipher in the first place and nearly drove Dipper and Mabel apart. I wish I had mentioned that to Katie, but I was still too shocked to respond.

"Well, I'll be in the other room. If you need me, just holler."

As Katie left the room, I couldn't help but worry about what kind of Hell I've gotten myself into.


	4. Chapter 4

I laid there, staring at the ceiling as my body cast itched. I didn't even know how I broke all the bones in my body in the first place. All I knew was that I couldn't stay here any longer.

As I was planning my escape, Katie came in wearing a blue jacket, a short black skirt, and a star-shaped bolo tie.

"Oh, Katie. That's an interesting outfit you're wearing." I said.

"I'm planning on going to a con as Mabel." said Katie.

"That doesn't look like my niece and I thought you hated Mabel."

"I'm dressed as Mabel from an alternate universe where she's an evil psychic."

"And that makes her more likable than this universe's Mabel?" I asked.

"Yes, because in the other universe, she imprisons Bill Cipher instead of gives into him."

Katie then checked herself out in the mirror.

"Do you think this skirt is too short?"

"Of course not."

"How DARE you! The way I dress is none of your business!" she shouted.

"But you asked for my opinion." I said.

"Your opinion doesn't matter! Educate yourself!"

Katie threw a book at me titled _Feminist Theory for Those Who Want Attention_. I know I'm not the best when it came to talking to women and probably need the help, but this seemed a little extreme. As much as I wanted to, I couldn't tell Katie she was crazy or else who knows what would've happened.

"Katie, could I have more of that jellybean pie?"

"Oh, sure." said Katie, "Let me get you a slice."

As Katie left, I decided to plan my escape. I wrestled out of the bed and started to hobble over to the door. I started to lose my balance and knocked over some fanart from the wall.

"Is everything okay in there?" asked Katie in the other room.

"Umm, yes! Everything's fine!" I said as I clumsily put fanart back up on the wall and waddled back to my bed.

Katie came back in with a slice of pie and looked at the wall.

"I seem to recall the artwork of you as a trans male was counterclockwise to the one of you as an inflated lion furry."

"Well it must've been disappointing for you to find out that I'm neither."

"It seems you were out of your bed, Stanford Pines. Not good for your health."

With that, Katie tied my arms and legs to the bed posts and force fed me more of that pie.

"Since you've been bad, you'll have to listen to my fanfiction."

I knew from then on this wasn't going to be easy.


	5. Chapter 5

Katie had left me to go to the con. I lay there on the bed, staring at the wall blankly. That fanfic was so long and filled with so many grammar errors that It caused me literal pain to hear it. And what was with that part about Taco Bell anyways? I don't think I'd be able to sleep after hearing about that part. I knew I had to get out of here, but how?

I started to itch. I bent my arm slightly and the cast broke. Surprisingly, It didn't hurt at all. I bent my other arm and found that, not only did the cast break, but it was fine too. I realized then that none of my bones were broken. I then untied myself from the bed posts got up, and broke the casts to my legs so I could properly walk. It was a good thing my father had Stan and I do boxing as kids.

I went into the hallway to escape, but as I was walking, I heard noises coming from a door nearby. I opened it and found my brother tied up and gagged. I knelt down and ungagged him.

"Stan, what happened? Are you alright?"

"Oh, thank God you're alright." said Stan, "I saved you from the lake, but then that bitch hit me with an oar on the head, tied me up, put me in this closet, and then she started reading fanfics about me making out with some guy named Rick."

I untied Stan and helped him up.

Suddenly, Katie came in.

"Ford, do you want me to take care of her?" asked Stan.

"Go ahead." I said.

Stan then punched Katie in the face.

We went out the cabin and called the police. They took Katie away and we hadn't heard from her since. Thank God.


End file.
